Thursday, March 15, 2012

World of Australia (WOA!)

Moving to another country makes life feel remarkably like an elaborate MMORPG (which seriously, always sounds ridiculous when people say it. mehmorphg. Acronyms, why they gotta be that way?).

First there's the training grounds while you are trying to work you way up to level 10.

Choose your destination location - DING!
Inform landlord of departure - DING!
Give notice of leave to work
         Tell supervisor
         Tell big boss
         Fill-out Paperwork
         DING! Level UP!
Pack all material possessions
         Find group
         Pack all the things
         DING! Shared exp AND give prizes to group members because you have too much loot to carry
Sell couch - DING!
Move piano - DING!
Pack remaining items and get on plane - Yes, you totally rock at this game, look at you and your bad self, those rats did NOT see you coming.

Optional SIDE QUEST - LAS VEGAS - You will also rock at this side quest, where everything is pretty and awesome and seriously, you are just happy to not be dealing with that same tiny town hall anymore and there's a Combination Starbucks/Margaritaville and this game is AWESOME.

Now you have to try and get to the city. You're a big kid now, and suddenly that nice, totally at your level, training ground is gone and you have NO IDEA where you are or where you are supposed to be going. Also, the chat line is completely baffling or WORSE the damn FIJI airline PA system doesn't work so you don't know what time it is or why there are no soft drinks, and if you get the Ginger ale, be warned that it turns out it is more like ginger beer and will not do the nice hydrating job you were hoping it would. Be confused and also tired. Also, have no idea what time it is and be unable to find a clock. Maybe it is two am? How long have you been playing this anyway? Is it supposed to take this long, or have you frozen on the back of a flying thing?

So now the quests are trickier. The first one, your big introductory quest, the one you know you have to finish to open up all the other quests, is

Somewhere in this region is an apartment you want. Go and try to find it.
         Inspect apartments - Yes, totally killed attended 5 apartment inspections. Hmm, pretty minimal exp.
         Find the RIGHT apartments - Okay, so I killed inspected some apartments which were not the right ones, but look, some of them actually dropped the item I am looking for. YES, TOTALLY BEAT THIS QUEST.
        Get apartment - NO! You've brought the item back and had it appraised and it turns out that this is NOT the item that the quest guy wants, or you are not the person they wanted to bring it or something stupid.
         Go inspect more apartments - Really? More of them? I mean, okay, but pretty sure you looked at a lot of them already.
         More dropped items - Not as many as you'd like, honestly, what is with that, but okay fine, you will now run around this new area trying to match up the items with the person who is asking for it, because they are all different and want different applications and arcane rituals to even see if you get to complete this quest.
        Get apartment! -- NO!! More inspections and item running. By this point, the inspections aren't really getting you ANY exp and you are super worried that the item you are looking for just straight up doesn't exist. Also you aren't getting exp for discovering new areas because you were here LAST week and also getting discouraged because the chat lines are all filled with the same people competing with you for that lovely dropped item who are also getting discouraged and DEAR LORD YOU ARE GOING TO BE HOMELESS AND NEVER GET TO PLAY THE REST OF THE GAME SWEET JESUS WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??
       Get apartment - Ding!

wait what? oh, thank the lord, we actually have a place to live.

Begin awesome game playing... no wait, now you get to move in.

Okay, that's okay, this was part of the game you were looking forward to and dreaming of while running around doing inspections this will be fine. Unfortunately, you aren't at the health levels you were hoping for because a) this quest took WAY LONGER THAN IT SHOULD HAVE and b)

You have an annoying illness! Have fun with this, sometimes you will be miserable and uncomfortable! Everything will be harder! That's fun, right?
        See if it will just go away on its own. Things have a time limit, right? No.
        Be glad you got that health insurance but still wait for it to kick in. Health level damage begins to also eat into your emotional mana bar thing. This is worrisome.
        Find doctor. -DING!
        Get antibiotics. -DING!
        Get antibiotics. - DING!
        Leech damage returns!
        This quest is still ongoing. Maybe I need to find some type of scroll? :(

        Move boxes into apartment - Ding!
        Get bed - Ding!
        Buy awesome vanity table from garage sale - Ding! Also, emotional bonus of being referred to as "the young couple". Make sappy faces.
Take ongoing emotional damage from unpacked/crazy mess.

SIDE-QUEST - Australian Customs be Crazy
You successfully completed "Pack all the things". You selected "Pack imitation firearm" (guys, it is an old costume flintlock pistol.)
         Realize you totally should not have selected "pack imitation firearm" because Australia Customs be Crazy and you have to fill out a form.
         Too late now - Fill out form. DING!
         Get to Australia, be contacted by customs.
         Fill out another form. - Ding!
         Deliver form. - Ding!
         Deliver other form - Ding!
         Go back to that other person with another form who totally could have told you to do that in the first place and also seriously, you don't think you should need a firearm importation license from the police for you firearm but okay, fine, here, it is now three months later, take it- Ding!
         Go to the docks IN SYDNEY and get item. No, you don't get anything else. Just your item. Which was yours in the first place. Quest complete! The only bonus here is that you can now clear that goddamn thing out of your quest log, which was frankly getting a little crowded, because you also have

        You have an apartment, now you can get the good internet! Yes! No....
        Get rare drop of NO LANDLINE. Apartment should have landline. Agent said there was a landline. What the hell? Also should have a working oven, but it turns out that quest was super easy and was just because you didn't notice that the item to complete that quest was there the whole time and really you are a little embarrassed that you had to ask for help on that one, but look, you didn't know that you needed to turn on THE TIMER as well as two other knobs to make it work. Right, back to the internet.
         Call internet.
         Find out no landline. Find out that possibly there is no AVAILABLE landline to you unit and you are doomed. But maybe not?
         Have guy come out to look at landline. Gonna get this quest done, booyeah, or at least find out what is wrong.
         Missing item, can not complete quest without key to phone box thing. Oh sweet little fishies, seriously?        
         Complain to agent/landlord.
         Told to contact property manager.
         Property manager needs agent to organize.
         Call agent.
         Follow-up with property manager.
         Go to pick up key and wait for landline guy.
         IS WRONG KEY!!!
         Call the goddamn locksmith.
         Get landline. DING!
         Call internet - told to wait.
         Call internet and fix problem in system.
         Restart waiting period.
         INTERNET! DING!! (yesterday guys, it showed up YESTERDAY)
         Try to get locksmith reimbursement. (I don't even want to LOOK at this quest yet.)

Ongoing health damage from massive amounts of dust
         Learn skill - obsessive vacuuming.

Outdoor sitting area - DING!
Outside plants/herbs - DING!
Hang pictures - DING!
Make buddy with whom to study japanese - DING!

Accept quest to organize Newcastle Steampunk Society
Accept quest to find out more about ZigZag Steam train trip awesomesauce thing.

Attend St. Vincent concert in Sydney - DING! Inspiration boost!

Live by Ocean - DING! Receive general stat bonus of awesomeness
       buy new swimsuit - EPIC DING! On sale, adorable, meets ability to not fall off in massive wave requirements, good quality
       Accept Plans to Go Surfing

Accepted - Plans to walk along coast in mornings so that you don't just lounge in bed until eleven.
         Woke up and walked at 7AM- DING
         DID IT AGAIN! - Ding.

So things are finally moving along. The graphics in Australia are fantastic, and the worldbuilding awesome (possum! On my fence! Last night! And evidently there are marsupial rats??). Wish me luck that I don't get another horrible quest until I've managed to replenish all my health bars.


  1. Yay I'm so happy to hear that you managed to complete the internet quest! It sounds like you've already made friends and are on your way to some awesome beach time. I miss you and look forward to hearing about it. Also pictures.

    (This post was especially epic considering that I've spent the last two weeks playing Zelda now that Sam has completed the quest GET VGA CABLES)

    1. Oh man, some times, when we would find things we really needed, I would ACTUALLY make the "You found the Compass" noise. And feel awesome.

  2. OKay! Both of you are "AWESOMESAUCE"!!! (insert more exclamation marks cause i am extremely happy for both of you. do it, because you know how hyper i can get, and those extra points are totally deserved by you both)
    I am so glad to hear that you are settling in, even though it sounds stressful, it also sounds like you are having a great time and like it was totally worth all the quests to get where you need to be. :)
    MC -i misses you so much- Also, i had the worst time trying to find those VGA cables for my new tv. All the boys at all the stores thought i was dumb, and that my tv HAD to have a place to receive the VGA cables, but it most certainly did NOT! (it only has Component and HDMI spaces) and i had to find a converter, cause i REFUSE to give up my original or my super nintendo. I did however give my atari to my dad.. sad face..
    but when i found that converter for VGA to co-ax cable i could clearly hear the Mario beats a Koopaling right before the wand starts to drop.
    I look forward to reading your blogs about your new places.
    Have fun guys! *hugs hugs*